Thoughts on the New Year and my Goals for 2010

There have been days and nights in the last 5.5 months that I was convinced that I would not make it to the New Year.  I would not survive the emotional devastation nor figure out any coping mechanisms to deal with the giant void that is ever present.  However, as I sit here tonight, the date is December 30, 2009.  I have survived.  I am different.  I am stronger.  I am a better person.  And, some days, I am still a display of the vast emotional spectrum that is now me.

This year, I have seen the best and worst of my friends....o,r so called friends, in some cases.  However, I would say that I have been more overwhelmed by the amazing demonstrations of friendship that I have witnessed.  And, it couldn't help but make me a better friend in return.  I have appreciated every random text message to ask about 'my level of shitty for the day' and the cards in my mailbox to let me know that I was in your prayers.  And, I can only hope that I have showed all of my close friends and family how much I love them in return.

This has been an interesting year for prayer as well.  I have always considered myself a spiritual and prayerful person.  However, for the last few months, I feel as though I have been in a constant conversation with God.  At times, I have begged for peace and comfort.  At others, I have given him praise for surrounding me with such a loving community of friends and family.  I have tried everyday to show others that God truly is love through my actions.  Although, I must admit, the ever present sarcasm still exists.....and that sometimes I am not as successful at my efforts as I would like to be.  Lucky for me, I believe in a forgiving God.

As I sit here and reflect on 2009, I can't help but feel appreciative as well.  I appreciate that my Mom found me the perfect Church for me....all thanks to a Maundy Thursday pedicure.  I appreciate that many who love me have been exceptionally patient with my journey through grief.  I appreciate that one of my best friends is lucky enough to be the mother to one of the most wonderful little boys I have ever met...and she lets me snuggle him when I need it.  I appreciate that my two crazy dogs have done nothing but love me and keep me company when I have felt like the only person on the planet.  I appreciate that I am married to an amazing man who has done nothing but stand strong next to me and hold me up when necessary.

I am also hopeful....hopeful that 2010 will not have near the drama that 2009 has had.  Don't get me wrong, there were some great points to 2009....like our wedding and marriage.  However, on the whole, I am hoping that 2010 has fewer days of tears involved.

I have never really been big for New Year's Resolutions....However, I do have a set of goals for 2010.

1.  Find inspiration in every day.  My goal is to look to my surroundings and be inspired.  Inspired to do better, try harder, make the world a better place, or learn something new.

2.  Learn something new everyday.  I love learning so I am going to keep on keeping on as they say when it comes to my constant education.

3.  Learn how to make a good loaf of crusty bread.  I love good French bread but have yet to figure out how to do it well myself.  2010 is the year.

4.  Lift weights 3x/week.  Enough said.

5.  Try better to understand that some people are simply doing the best they can with what they have.  It seems as times that I feel that many people aren't really trying that hard....however, they really are probably doing the best they can with what they have.

6.  Get a monthly manicure in a shade of red....of course.....in honor of my Mom.

7.  Grow my new business and give my new career the best that I have to give.

8.  Tell the people I love that I love them every time that I talk to them.

9.  Become more involved at St. Paul's.  I love the work that we do in and around the community there and I need to be more present in those activities.

10.  Complete a HALF MARATHON.  Yep, my goal is to do "A Half Mary for Proud Mary" in 2010.  For those that don't know, I am not a runner....never have been.  However, I have recently started running and I am going to do one in 2010.  I am going to fund raise for the unit that my Mom was on at KUMED.  They provide wonderful care there and I am going to do what I can to support them.

My wish for all of you is that you have a great 2010.  You make the best out of the circumstances you are given and you make sure that those you love know it.