Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Thoughts on the first year of Marriage

This past Sunday, my husband and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary.  To most, the first anniversary probably isn't a very big deal because expect that it is an easy milestone to achieve since those first few months of marriage always involve rose colored glasses and being in the honeymoon phase.  The average idiot assumes that you just sit around looking longingly into each other's eyes and magically you make it to a year.  The average idiot probably also assumes that the first year is also the easiest.  And, to be honest, I would like to slap all of those idiots that made comments about being honeymooners to me over the last 11 months.

The untimely death of my Mom ended our honeymoon phase shortly after the conclusion of our honeymoon.  Then, we took a rough and tumble crash course on what marriages are made of over the following 11 months.  And, when June 13th rolled around, I was ready to shout from the rooftops...Sweet Jesus, we MADE IT!!

I remember in our pre marital counseling that our counselor announced that we had all we needed to 'make it' as a couple.  He had no concerns about whether or not our marriage would make it and declared that we were the perfect couple.  Our strengths and weaknesses complement each other and we work well together.  Little did that man know that my husband would carry me emotionally through our first year.

A couple of weeks ago I attended the wedding of one of my cousins.  And, while most people were zoning out during the vows, I was checking off the list of very similar vows that Bryce and I had agreed to not too long before.  For Better for Worse.  Check.  In sickness and in health.  Check.  For richer for poorer, Check.  To have and to hold (up).  Check.  To love her even when she is crazy.  Check.  Oh wait, that wasn't in there, but it fits anyway.  And, as they finished their vows, part of me laughed (sarcastically) to myself that we have already crossed all of those off.  And, that I wasn't ready to cross many of those off for a second time yet.  In fact, I was ready to start enjoying some of the 'for better' part of the vows.

And, while it sounds like I am bitching about what hell our first year of marriage has been...I am, but I am not.  I am bitching because I wouldn't wish this on anyone.  I wouldn't wish the overwhelming feelings of loneliness and loss on anyone....let alone someone who was trying to build a strong marriage.  However, I am incredibly thankful for the test that I have been given.  These trials have proven to me that I did find the right person and that he loves me absolutely unconditionally.  In fact, he proves that very often when I get really ugly and moody.  To be honest, I am not sure that I would have put up with me even though the circumstances could not be changed.

I am thankful for having someone to hold me up when I needed it and keep me company when I didn't really want it.  I am thankful that I found someone to listen to my craziness even if he didn't know how to respond.

I am hoping that year 2 of marriage is better than year 1.  I am hopeful that with a new home and the prospect  of being somewhat settled in a few weeks that some sense of normalcy can come into our lives.  I am looking forward to knowing where all of our things are.  I am looking forward to having a fenced yard for the babies again.  I am looking forward to being able to have friends over again.  And, I am looking forward to moving on and making a life.

I have one small mountain in the way and it is fast approaching....the one year anniversary of my Mom's death.  It's not going to be pretty.  But, I will get through it....with a cocktail or two in hand.

By the way, it's obvious to me that I haven't written in a while by the obviously poor flow that exists in this post.  However, I am pretty sure I will be back in the saddle of writing again to get me through the next few weeks.