Deja Vu

10 days ago, one of my friends joined 'the Club.'  The Club is not something that you want to have any part of if you are part of my circle.  The Club means that you have suffered the loss of a parent at an early age.  Unfortunately, after the loss of my own Mom, I learned that I was not the only one and had many friends and acquaintances who had suffered the loss of a parent.  And, damned if we didn't get another member 10 days ago. 

The problem with watching one of your friends lose their parent is that you understand the gravity of their situation.  You may not understand completely what it is like for them, but you have a pretty damn good idea.  And, as I sat in a pew last week in support of my friend, my brain flashed countless memories of the last 14 months.  And, I couldn't help but wonder why someone else, my age, has to go through this.

When I was talking to my friend the day after his father's death, I told him that my heart hurt for him.  It hurts because I understand the loneliness that will undoubtedly come.  It hurts for the missed opportunities, the missed family dinners, and the missed celebrations.  It hurts for the missed phone calls to share good news.  It hurts for the phone calls for a little advice.  And, it hurts to know that his father will never know his son's children.

However, I was once again reminded that now is not the time for questions.  Now is the time to trust in God's reasoning and have faith that there must be a reason for all of this.  I know that grief has changed me over this past year and it will change my friend too.  It has made me a better person, wife, and family member.  In fact, I would say that most of the changes have been positive.....like the 30lb weight loss.

At times, I am incredibly thankful for the knowledge I have gained throughout the last year plus.  I learned the value of picking up the phone to call when you know the call will be hard.  I learned how important it is to be there for others as a show of support.  I have learned how to truly be thankful every day for just having the opportunity to be here. 

Through a series of workshops/trainings over the last year, I have learned how to make some valuable changes in my life  Funny how it worked out for me to find myself in this workshop when I needed it most and was ready to make changes.  Funny how God works.  As part of that course, we were challenged to outline what our true purpose in life was.  My purpose, as I see it, is to make a difference every day.  And, I can honestly say that I am 100% committed to making sure that happens.  I can already tell you that it is working. 

I pray that my friend and those that will come after me will use their grief to grow. 

And, I also pray that their grief is not as debilitating as mine was and can be at times.