Monday, April 5, 2010


For some strange reason, I thought that Easter wasn't going to be a big deal this year.  I thought that it would all be ok that I wans't seeing family and that things would be as seemingly normal (whatever the hell that means) as they have been.  I was really damn wrong about that one.  It sucked.

The day started with Claire getting out of the backyard and going on a neighborhood adventure...when we were supposed to be leaving for church.  So, I ran back in the house, changed shoes, and took off walking the neighborhood.  I asked everyone I saw if they had seen a little one had.  And, that is when the panic started to set in.  I had no idea what I would do without my little girl.  After walking almost the whole neighborhood, Bryce called.  He had Claire.  He had gone to the car to start driving and looking and Claire was very meekly sitting on our sidewalk.  Damn dog.  I was glad she was home but wanted to strangle her little neck.

So, off we went to church, destined to be late.  Talked to Dad on the way and that is when the cascade started. We always really liked Easter at my house and I always got an Easter basket.  And, for some reason, I thought that maybe Dad wouldn't do it this year.  Sure enough, he told me that the Easter bunny didn't know how to get to Olathe but luckily had one of my old addresses.  I had an Easter basket waiting for me in La Crosse.  And, they came the cascade.

We squeezed into an aisle seat at church a few minutes late next to all those people that only show up on Christmas and Easter....But, since I was at church and couldn't be snarky...I kept my mouth shut.  The service was amazing to say the least.  The choir sounded phenomenal, the church was beautiful, and of course, Todd's sermon, was off the charts.  All of these wonderful things would make the average person happy....Not this girl....I just sat there and cried.  About everything.  I cried about how sad I was that my Mom wasn't sitting next to me like the girl two rows in front of me.  And, I cried because I knew she would have loved all the pomp and circumstance that was church yesterday.  And, damn it, I know she was there, but not sitting next to me doesn't count.

I did my usual post church visit to her.  The yard where she is buried was decorated with lots of little Easter eggs for all of the kiddos that would be having a hunt out there.  And, sure enough, because her burial spot is still a 'low spot' someone had stuck an egg on her grave.  And, for some reason, I didn't like it, and chucked the egg clear across the yard.

Needless to say, by the time it was all over, I was exhausted.  I didn't do much the rest of the day and felt like crap.  I was happy to be able to sit on my butt.  And, lucky for me, today is Monday....and I have a headache.  Fabulous.

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