Last weekend, Bryce and I made a trip to La Crosse so that I could begin the closet cleaning proceess. For those of you that knew my mom, you know this was not an easy task. I got my clothes horse ways from both of my parents so the idea of going through her closet was a very daunting task. How was I ever going to make through all the drawers and multiple closets?? So, I started with the easy stuff...t shirts....casual stuff....countless black or white long sleeved tshirts... That seemed be the private joke between my mom and I. Each season, we had to get new black and white t shirts because our others probably looked worn...Well, nothing of my mom's had really ever looked worn...so I found quite a collection of those. Don't worry, I chose to replenish my own stock. Luckily for me, my aunt was in town last weekend as well so she was able to provide some much needed moral support. And, I was lucky enough to have one of my best friend's come over to do the same. They helped me through it. I actually did pretty well until I found a sweater/jacket that she had worn quite a bit before I got married. Because it was her, it wasn't dirty after being worn. So, it was hanging in the closet, and it smelled like her. Not sure really how to describe that smell, but it smelled like her. Right now, I am not sure if it is going to get washed or not. And, because she and I wore the same size most of the time, I have ALOT of new clothes. She had lots of things that I loved and most were ablet o fit me. So, I brought them home. My closet will now be full of some great Armani pieces and some other classics. Getting dressed is even harder now than it was before.
Going through her clothes has certainly had a much longer lasting effect that I had planned on. I have a very severe case of no motivation this week. I can't seem to make myself do anything...or if it does get done, it isn't in a timely manner. I have done a lot of sitting. And, I know why. Going through her closet means that she isn't coming back. I brought home her clothes because she doesn't need them. I have all of those beautiful things because she is gone. And, much like any of the other things of hers that I have now....I wish I didn't have them. I would give them all away to have my mom back. And, I want her back for good. I don't understand those people that wish for just one more day with their loved one. That wouldn't help. One more day will not fix my loneliness for my best friend.
Speaking of good friends...I observed a very valuable lesson again this week. You have to make your friendships with your good friends a priority. Good friends, that are with you through your worst, do not come along everyday. Therefore, when you are lucky enough to have a friend like that, you damn well better be thankful and do what you can to nurture that. It takes work and it's often about making choices. Choose what is important to you and take care of it. Don't let it go by the wayside for the latest passing trend.
I decided that since Mom died I had to Christmas shop somewhere other than places I did it with my Mom....usually she was on the phone with me while I did mine, if we weren't together. So, not long after she died, I decided it was Chicago with my friend and we started talking about plans. My friend and I both needed the break after a pretty rotten summer for both of us. So, shopping and a girl's weekend sounded like a great idea. Unfortunately, my travel partner made other plans....rather than choosing her friend's much needed girl's weekend (for both), she chose a weekend away with a new love interest... No, I am not jealous about her choosing someone else over me. I could care less about that. However, I don't like choosing to spend a weekend with a new love interest over a friend you had long term plans with....a friend who has been there when you needed her because your days have been pretty darn dark too. However, one of my other amazing friends knows me well enough to know how difficult the next couple of months will be. So, when I was without a travel buddy she said that she would make the arrangements necessary so that she could go. She's giving up time with her son, the extra money from her part time job that helps her pay for grad school, and the class she teaches on Friday because she knew that I needed her. And, I love her for that. She is amazing.
Life is about taking care of each other. Telling your friends that you love them and showing them how much. Taking care of your spouse when they need it, and even when they don't. It's about thanking others for busting their hump to make your day better. And, it's also about taking care of yourself. Doing what you can to make your own day better...For some of us, that means sitting there and staring and holding onto your crazy little dog who is so darned in tuned to your emotions.
Bottom line...take care of each other because it's your responsibility.
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