Sunday, January 17, 2010

The frustrating thing....

about all of this grief crap and the loss of my Mom is that I still need her so damn much.  I still need her for everyday life.  I need her to proofread my stuff, listen to me vent when life gets annoying, and give me advice in when I get frustrated with my husband and I feel like I have NO ONE to talk to about that.  You just don't talk to your Dad about that stuff...he wouldn't find it annoying or would tell me that there was nothing wrong with what Bryce was doing.  Mom, however, would tell me that men are stupid, they are lucky to have us, and that they all need to suck it up once in a while.

For work this week, I have been writing alot....about all kinds of things and pieces that will be in all kinds of places.  However, my A #1 proofreader is no longer available.  That makes me very self conscious.  I know that I can write...she taught me how...yet, I still need some supervision to make it amazing.  I want people to read what I write and go...Damn. That woman can write.  I have never written so much without her feedback and I hate it.  I am doubting the pieces that I have written and there are no equivalent subs to help me out in this instance.

I feel like I have been in a funk and it is taking forever to get out of it again.  I don't feel like doing anything.  I don't sleep well.  Life is general is annoying.  Guess who talked me out of my funks...nope...not anyone I can still talk to and get an audible response from.

Training seems to be going well so far.  I really felt like I was, I pulled myself off the treadmill and on to the track at the gym I went.  That is going much better.  In fact, I ran my first consecutive mile the other night.  I ran that mile..took a baby walking break...and then ran another half.  And, it actually felt pretty damn good.  I just have to keep the momentum going and keep making it to the gym.  I am now officially convinced that I can do this half mary.  I can run a mile so I can certainly run might not see the logic in that...I do.  I never thought I could run one consecutive mile.  I am looking forward to warmer weather.  I want to run outside.

For those that have already done the math...I passed the dreaded 6 month mark this past Wed.  It wasn't great but I also didn't feel like I was going to get admitted to the psych ward either...that means progress.  I spent the whole day at the office.  I knew that if I stayed there, things might be better.  Nobody there had any idea of the significance of the date and I didn't tell them.  I got through.  I went to the gym and then I had some mexican and margs.  I decided I needed a cocktail to celebrate that I had made it through.

We will see what this week brings...I am hoping it is a trip out of my funk.

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