I quit my job last week. Actually, I didn't just quit my job, I left my career. Yep, no more Florence Nightingale for me. For some of you, this might come as a shock and for others of you, you really aren't that surprised. While nursing has always been part of my identity, it has not been a good fit for me for a while. While I love taking care of others, there are so many circumstances that get in the way of being a good nurse. Politics, insurance, a dysfunctional system, irrational patients, and a few cantankerous physicians just to name a few. It had gotten to a point where I no longer felt like I was making a difference and I felt as though I was functioning at the same level as a trained monkey. While I have significantly more education than a monkey, one could of easily done my current job. And, each week, something new came up at my company. Someone else got fired, they changed the rules again, or the vixen from HR opened her mouth. For those of you that aren't aware, I am not a fan of our HR department. During the short illness and subsequent death of my Mom, they were less than helpful or supportive. In fact, they went so far as to ask me in an email if someone else could just take care of my Mom so I didn't have to miss work. Excuse me?! And, then, while I was off following her death, they were less than flexible about my return to work, my hours, and my pay.....they didn't pay me for most of the time that I was off. Their rationale was that I couldn't use my accumulated sick time to take care of a family member b/c I was less than a month shy of my anniversary. Had it been 20 something days later, I would have been able to use it. It amazes me that they wonder why people continue to resign from the company. They do not support their staff therefore I don't see how they can expect any loyalty. Luckily for me, I am getting out.
I have had lots of emotions around quitting my job. I was a little nervous about it a couple of days before. However, I soon got over that. I knew that it was the right choice for me. I am not happy and life is too damn short to not be happy. Part of me wondered if it was the right choice b/c I know that my Mom was not happy with her work environment either....yet, she kept on going. However, the difference was, she loved teaching. Right now, I don't love being a nurse. I do not like the disrespect that I am shown b/c "you are JUST a nurse." I will be happy to not be hearing that on a regular basis. And, it has been almost impossible to take care of others since my Mom's death. I am fine with taking care of my family and friends but it is so hard to take care of others.....especially when they don't have any regard for the help I am trying to give.
I know that it would have been an interesting conversation with my Mom about quitting nursing. She was so proud that I am a nurse. But, I know that she would understand why I felt I had to do it. She would probably tell me that if she had had the chance to teach somewhere else, she would have long since left BCCC. And, she would have been proud of me that I had the courage to do it. I will just tell you, you don't quit your career without some courage. And, it would have taken courage to tell her....believe me. I know there would have been some interesting comments. However, she would have come around. She would have come around b/c she knows that the things that make me happy are not the things I have ever gotten paid for. It is doing things for Junior League, volunteering in the community, being involved at St. Paul's, and taking care of the things that are important to me. She would be proud of me for doing those things b/c that is how I want to continue making a difference.
Alright...for some reason...just don't feel like writing anymore. However, my absence won't be so long....
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